What Happened to You?: Conversations on Trauma, Resilience, and Healing
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- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-06-13 04:51:43
- Update Date：2025-09-07
- Status：finish
- Author：Oprah Winfrey
- ISBN：1529068479
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Summary
"Through this lens we can build a renewed sense of personal self-worth and ultimately recalibrate our responses to circumstances， situations， and relationships。 It is， in other words， the key to reshaping our very lives。”
―Oprah Winfrey
This book is going to change the way you see your life。
Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that？" or "Why can't I just control my behavior？" Others may judge our reactions and think， "What's wrong with that person？" When questioning our emotions， it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard。 It's time we started asking a different question。
Through deeply personal conversations， Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr。 Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you？” to “What happened to you？” Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road， and What Happened to You？ provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand。
Here， Winfrey shares stories from her own past， understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age。 Joining forces with Dr。 Perry， one of the world’s leading experts on childhood and brain development， Winfrey and Dr。 Perry marry the power of storytelling with science to better understand and overcome the effects of our pasts。
In conversation throughout the book， the two focus on understanding people， behavior， and ourselves。 It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma， and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven， powerful way。
―Oprah Winfrey
This book is going to change the way you see your life。
Have you ever wondered "Why did I do that？" or "Why can't I just control my behavior？" Others may judge our reactions and think， "What's wrong with that person？" When questioning our emotions， it's easy to place the blame on ourselves; holding ourselves and those around us to an impossible standard。 It's time we started asking a different question。
Through deeply personal conversations， Oprah Winfrey and renowned brain and trauma expert Dr。 Bruce Perry offer a groundbreaking and profound shift from asking “What’s wrong with you？” to “What happened to you？” Our earliest experiences shape our lives far down the road， and What Happened to You？ provides powerful scientific and emotional insights into the behavioral patterns so many of us struggle to understand。
Here， Winfrey shares stories from her own past， understanding through experience the vulnerability that comes from facing trauma and adversity at a young age。 Joining forces with Dr。 Perry， one of the world’s leading experts on childhood and brain development， Winfrey and Dr。 Perry marry the power of storytelling with science to better understand and overcome the effects of our pasts。
In conversation throughout the book， the two focus on understanding people， behavior， and ourselves。 It’s a subtle but profound shift in our approach to trauma， and it’s one that allows us to understand our pasts in order to clear a path to our future―opening the door to resilience and healing in a proven， powerful way。
Reviews
Robin
，
Thank you both for this wonderful exploration！
Laurie
，
Important read。 Trauma is everwhere in our society and poorly understood。 Many of the psychological diagnosis should simply be labeled as a trauma reaction and teachers should be trained。 Regulate relate and reason from a bottom up approach to the Brain is a good motto。 Very interesting how “primitive” cultures do this naturally while our sophisticated American culture moves us away from nature and community。
Zhivko Kabaivanov
，
What Happened to You？ （2021） is an in-depth exploration of trauma and how it affects the brain。 Long before we can make rational sense of traumatic experiences， they become etched into our neural circuits。 They influence how we respond to stress， form relationships， and make meaning。 Unfortunately， trauma is often misunderstood。 By understanding trauma as both a brain issue and a societal issue， we can start to support trauma survivors with the tools they need to heal。
Cora
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Powerful - very well done。
Abbey
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Everyone should read this book。 It’s fascinating and changes your perspective about why people are the way they are。。。 yourself included。
Isabella
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If possible， it would be six stars。 Phenomenal。
Tousif_tos
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Understanding ones inner functioning of traumatic condition is the way to heal him/her with the moral or social support。。。 I Got to know how we felt stressed and what made us to cultivate our nature of being improper。。。Good book to educate one to heal the stressful person。。。。
Bee
，
Books on trauma， mental health， and psychology attract me， since I’m a survivor of childhood sexual trauma and I’m always seeking to understand myself better and hopefully grow from it。 Going into this book， I wasn’t expecting to fully relate to all that it spoke about- since obviously there is all sorts of traumas other than sexual that people experience- but I could not have predicted how irrelevant and stupid this book would be。I should say this: the beginning of the book， where Dr。 Perry exp Books on trauma， mental health， and psychology attract me， since I’m a survivor of childhood sexual trauma and I’m always seeking to understand myself better and hopefully grow from it。 Going into this book， I wasn’t expecting to fully relate to all that it spoke about- since obviously there is all sorts of traumas other than sexual that people experience- but I could not have predicted how irrelevant and stupid this book would be。I should say this: the beginning of the book， where Dr。 Perry explains the neurobiology of the brain， is fascinating and educational。 He explains clearly how the brain functions and how trauma affects these functions。 Around halfway through the book， though， the conversations between Oprah and Dr Perry become entirely race/racism related。 There was no clear Segway into that topic; it was irrelevant to the supposed theme of the book and really through me off。 I will go off on a limb here and suggest that they wanted to publish a book about racism， but since Dr Perry’s field of expertise is trauma， they wrapped it in trauma paper and called it a “trauma book”。 Before coming at me for being racist， just know that I love to read books on that topic as well。 This book just wasn’t the place for it and so it completely threw me off。 It doesn’t help that Oprah keeps mentioning her school。 She repeats it to a point of extreme annoyance 。。。more
Patricia Samms
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I think this book is essential reading for educators， key workers and anyone working with vulnerable adults and children。 In order to understand them， we need to think about what has happened to them。 The idea that the question: should be what happened to you？ Rather than: What is wrong with you？ was a light bulb moment in itself。 The various anecdotes and pdf pictures illustrating the brain， etc were helpful in understanding healing after trauma。I could so relate to the subject matter so well a I think this book is essential reading for educators， key workers and anyone working with vulnerable adults and children。 In order to understand them， we need to think about what has happened to them。 The idea that the question: should be what happened to you？ Rather than: What is wrong with you？ was a light bulb moment in itself。 The various anecdotes and pdf pictures illustrating the brain， etc were helpful in understanding healing after trauma。I could so relate to the subject matter so well and was fascinated in how healing can be made after trauma。A great read。 I think I will read this again at some point。 。。。more
candy heilman
，
i just finished this book and i'm currently doing deep breaths as tears stream down my face。 this is probably the most important book i'll read all year。 and i don't think i'll ever stop recommending it to everyone i know。 i just finished this book and i'm currently doing deep breaths as tears stream down my face。 this is probably the most important book i'll read all year。 and i don't think i'll ever stop recommending it to everyone i know。 。。。more
Heidi
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excellent
Tess
，
A more reader friendly format for Bruce Perry’s neurosequential model that has revolutionized treatment and recovery for trauma。 Oprah has been heavily involved with this work and shares her stories and reflections。
Marye
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What happened to you can be your power！
Judi
，
This book opened my eyes to so many things in my life and though I knew my past adversities shaped who I am today and how I react to daily stresses， it also taught me there are ways to change those triggers。 Excellent read/listen， gives the reader a lot to think about not just personally but also others。 I will forever look at people differently and ask What Happened to you？
Cmykadxff
，
这是一本有关心理创伤与愈合的书，从医学、心理学的角度解释了童年创伤对我们成长的影响，我们为什么会做出令人沮丧的反应以及我们如何慢慢疗愈。Connectedness is what helps us manage transitions and regulate in the face of a nonstop bombardment of novelty。当代社会人类的孤独就是慢性毒药。人们渴望建立联系，但是在现实生活中难以实现时，就会转向网络虚拟世界。然而网络上的联系都是虚幻的。当我们陷入逆境时真正陪伴我们的并不是网上的粉丝，而是现实生活中身边的亲朋好友。 更加理解有时自己被突如其来的巨大的孤独感笼罩时为什么会如此的难过抑郁，渴望建立联系本就是我们人性中的一部分，也没有必要违抗自己的天性为自己的“不坚强”感到愧疚。 听这本书也是在慢慢与自己和解啊。另外让我印象深刻的是原生家庭对孩子影响之巨大。我更加为自己拥有温暖亲密的原生家庭而感到幸运，也更加珍惜家人，感觉十分幸福。如果没有被爱过，就不会懂如何爱别人。所幸人的大脑是可以改变的，爱的能力依旧可以通过学习得到。学会和解，所有受过的创伤在 这是一本有关心理创伤与愈合的书，从医学、心理学的角度解释了童年创伤对我们成长的影响，我们为什么会做出令人沮丧的反应以及我们如何慢慢疗愈。Connectedness is what helps us manage transitions and regulate in the face of a nonstop bombardment of novelty。当代社会人类的孤独就是慢性毒药。人们渴望建立联系，但是在现实生活中难以实现时，就会转向网络虚拟世界。然而网络上的联系都是虚幻的。当我们陷入逆境时真正陪伴我们的并不是网上的粉丝，而是现实生活中身边的亲朋好友。 更加理解有时自己被突如其来的巨大的孤独感笼罩时为什么会如此的难过抑郁，渴望建立联系本就是我们人性中的一部分，也没有必要违抗自己的天性为自己的“不坚强”感到愧疚。 听这本书也是在慢慢与自己和解啊。另外让我印象深刻的是原生家庭对孩子影响之巨大。我更加为自己拥有温暖亲密的原生家庭而感到幸运，也更加珍惜家人，感觉十分幸福。如果没有被爱过，就不会懂如何爱别人。所幸人的大脑是可以改变的，爱的能力依旧可以通过学习得到。学会和解，所有受过的创伤在疗愈后都会成为我们内在的力量，让我们更坚强。Forgive yourself， forgive them。 Step out of your history and into the path of your future。 My friend， the poet Mark Nepo， says that the pain was necessary in order to know the truth。 But we don’t have to keep the pain alive in order to keep the truth alive。 。。。more
LaDonna Nobbe
，
My favorite quote - what if what was happening to you was happening for you to be become the person you are meant to be。 This book was so much more than expected。
Katie
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I learned so much from this book。 What an amazing way to look at approaching people's stories and behavior。 It's all about what happened to you， not what's wrong with you。 I learned so much from this book。 What an amazing way to look at approaching people's stories and behavior。 It's all about what happened to you， not what's wrong with you。 。。。more
Carol A
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Good worthy read！
Kara Haines
，
A must readThis book contains some powerful wisdom。 I found it helpful in thinking about my own life and the childhood that both my parents survived。 The research is skillfully doled out along with compelling personal stories。 I will be a better Counselor and a more understanding human after reading it。 The prologue is right， you will have to put it down and think， rest， and come back to it！ ❤️
Lindsay Brittain
，
Truly anyone that works with kids on a daily basis， this is a great book to read。
Rachel
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Dr。 Perry （who is an MD and PhD） was a surprisingly good mashup of many thought leaders surrounding the concepts of trauma， technology， racism， the brain and healing。 If you've ever read Ross Greene， Oliver Sacks， Mona Delahooke， Bessel van der Kolk， Robin Wall Kimmerer or Andy Crouch then hearing from Dr。 Perry will just have you nodding your head in agreement。 The audiobook definitely helps the reader hear the calm， empathetic cadence Dr。 Perry has when explaining some complicated medical/soci Dr。 Perry （who is an MD and PhD） was a surprisingly good mashup of many thought leaders surrounding the concepts of trauma， technology， racism， the brain and healing。 If you've ever read Ross Greene， Oliver Sacks， Mona Delahooke， Bessel van der Kolk， Robin Wall Kimmerer or Andy Crouch then hearing from Dr。 Perry will just have you nodding your head in agreement。 The audiobook definitely helps the reader hear the calm， empathetic cadence Dr。 Perry has when explaining some complicated medical/sociological jargon。 He embodies the idea that there is always something to be learned from others; our job is not to "fix" someone。 Oprah shares her story in this work which helps give real heart to how there is hope after trauma。 This book is aimed at anyone who wants to develop more empathy and compassion for themselves and others who may have endured any kind of trauma （even if it's not as severe as the stories referenced in the book）。 Give it a shot。 A note: People have given some criticism saying this book feels like both authors are talking from a place of "privilege" but I believe that their biggest desire is for those least privileged to be able to access the benefits of healing。 The more people （teachers， parents， administrators， doctors， caretakers， etc。） that understand the neurosequential model， the quicker equity and understanding will come to the ones who need it most。 。。。more
Mary
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If I could give this a negative rating and tell everyone NOT to read it， I would。 Before I picked up a copy of this， I read reviews and it was presented as if it were a selection of stories from actual trauma survivors。 Instead we have a very scientifically worded， very LONG， interview between Oprah and Dr。 Perry about the topic and trauma and how they believe it affects others。 I found it plodding and dull， presenting no actual new information， and only a small handful of survivors' stories we If I could give this a negative rating and tell everyone NOT to read it， I would。 Before I picked up a copy of this， I read reviews and it was presented as if it were a selection of stories from actual trauma survivors。 Instead we have a very scientifically worded， very LONG， interview between Oprah and Dr。 Perry about the topic and trauma and how they believe it affects others。 I found it plodding and dull， presenting no actual new information， and only a small handful of survivors' stories were actually shared， and then only briefly。 I closed the book when I read how Dr。 Perry treated one such trauma survivor as a guinea pig in an experiment -- an experiment the patient could NOT consent to because he was a 12 year old boy in a coma thanks to his foster family's neglect and abuse。 As a survivor of trauma myself， I found that utterly VILE and unethical。 This "doctor" should be ashamed of himself。 。。。more
Ashton Long
，
10/10。 I plan to reread， take notes， and work through many items throughout the book that pertain to myself and my siblings。 If you had childhood trauma， or are looking to understand someone who has， this is an absolute must。 I am so thankful for this book coming at this point in my life。
alexis Kaminski
，
LOVED IT！ Amazing read to understand oneself better and the people around you。 Also， highly recommend it for soon to be parents as it touches on child psychology and development。
Mackenzie Golden
，
Recommend this read to anyone in a helping profession。 Trauma informed care is so important and can really make a difference if you’re willing to learn！
Alienor
，
I didn’t learn much - but that’s because I’ve been reading all the books I could find about trauma and resilience。 The two authors are kind， well-meaning， knowledgeable survivors。 Their book reflects that。 Inevitably， it dealt with specific American problems， but I guess that was to be expected
Allison
，
There were some hard childhood trauma stories in this book。 It was a great book though and I definitely recommend listening to the audiobook version of it。 I plan on reading this again sometime。
Benoit Marinoff
，
Let’s start by saying， I love Oprah。 The book idea seemed really interesting to me， and there was certainly interesting content。 Fact and science based content。 I like how “What happened to you？” is a much more powerful question to go through life than “What is wrong with you” both on a personal， self love and self reflection point of view， but also on a more human connection basis。 Driving you to be more curious。 To be more empathetic about where a person is coming from with their behaviours th Let’s start by saying， I love Oprah。 The book idea seemed really interesting to me， and there was certainly interesting content。 Fact and science based content。 I like how “What happened to you？” is a much more powerful question to go through life than “What is wrong with you” both on a personal， self love and self reflection point of view， but also on a more human connection basis。 Driving you to be more curious。 To be more empathetic about where a person is coming from with their behaviours that might not be in line with what you expect of them。But I was in all honesty not all that impress with the format。 I did not like the book being written basically like a long back and forth interview you’d read in a magazine。 I think the flow of the content was just not great， and not as engaging as I would have expected a book Oprah contributed to would be。 Again， I love Oprah， and she does amazing work at interviewing people and asking insightful questions， but what works on a tv screen just does not translate well in a book。 It should have been better formatted and edited in my opinion。 Nonetheless， like I said the information within that poor format had some value， so I’d still recommend the book to someone interested about trauma， about people’s behaviours， or wondering about their own。 。。。more
Fawn
，
Fascinating read， I know I’ll return to it again （and likely again）。 I hope that educators and healthcare providers alike have a chance to read， it sure makes you look at people’s behaviours （including your own） with a different lens。
Leah Colby
，